How to fit it all in- is that even possible?

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How do you fit it all in? A question that came up at a retreat I did in Panama. It made me laugh because this is something that has followed me all my life. You do so much. You seem so busy. Over the years, I have been asked that question often. 

For some reason, I’ve always been like that. Taking on things that I felt I could do even if I had school, one job, a second job, babysitting throughout the middle of it all and bringing in stray animals in our home (often without my parents realizing it until after a few days). I was always involved on the student school counsel, coaching figure skating, working at a boutique, editor and publisher of our high school yearbook for 2 years in a row, etc. GO-GO-GO.  If you know my mom or of her… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 😉

After we got married and started to have kids, I went all out in every direction – GO - GO - GO I didn’t “do” burnout  because that was for others – you know the weaker ones -  so I kept going. Looking back, I sometimes can’t even imagine some of the things I pulled off. Parties, fund raisers, events, the best birthday parties for the girls (without any Pinterest to tell me what and how to do them thank you very much). Sat on PTA boards and various committees and boards for the girls’ activities. As if all that wasn’t enough, I returned to coach figure skating part-time when Olivia was a toddler. On top of a busy full time career, once Bella was in school full time, I added tennis to it all and of course for some reason, decided I should start piano lessons again. 😱😳 

The girls were in every possible activity which meant dance shows, skating competitions, ice shows, piano festival and recitals, singing contests, team sports, volleyball, soccer tournaments, tennis camps, summer camps, musicals and the list goes on. I truly was living the best life looking back because I LOVE doing all the things, feeling useful and contributing. 

I STILL do and I’m just as busy now in many ways as I was throughout my young adult life. Except one thing…

HERE WE GO...  

THREE - TWO - ONE 

THREE things changed my stress level 

1- 20 minutes of movement

2- 20 minutes of journaling / reflecting

3- 20 minutes of learning  

Being busy to be busy or to fill the days can be exhausting. Doing things just to do things, to keep up with others or your own “ideal” of how things should be if not aligned with a bigger meaningful pursuit can be draining and cause stress. 

The stress and what it causes to one’s body and relationships came to a halt a few years ago when I was involved in my most recent car accident. I was trying to do it all… details of that entire experience will be for another newsletter. 😉

At the time of that accident, everything slowed down. What I hadn't realized was how my stress to get it all done, get all the tasks completed, meet all the committments had an impact on me, physically, emotionally (especially) and on my relationships. 

I LOVE this analogy  – I forget where I read it or who wrote it – that goes something like this: 

… If you change one tiny thing on a frame of a movie, it will change the entire movie…

This stuck with me. I was always the person who felt and believed in the “all or nothing” approach to make big changes OR thought we needed to take one major action or make a BIG move to find happiness. Really, most of the time it was a “temporary” shift to keep me focussed on something else for a while until… it didn’t! Then, I would be back to feeling unsettled or unsatisfied looking for what was next because staying still was uncomfortable. 

So keeping busy, GO-GO-GO and trying the "make big changes" approach left me very little time to be too long with my own thoughts which helped me to avoid that uncomfortable state.  It prevented me from falling into the trap of thinking of what was missing in my life, how to feel fulfilled or be doing what I am supposed to do with my life. My purpose!!! That was scary to me. Always looking for what now? What’s next? What am I supposed to do? 

The analogy of changing one thing on a frame of a movie that would alter the entire movie made so much sense to me and also seemed do-able. It also made it feel less of a risk. Change one thing -  maybe one part of my day? Or one aspect of my life? What could I change? What frame of the movie should I change and what to change on that frame? 

For me, it shifted over 6 years ago somewhere between 2017 - 2018. I made a decision to take my wellness seriously. I don’t mean losing weight or working out. I mean a holistic approach to wellness both mind and body (based on the connection I learned through my YOGA practice).  I had done the "try to change EVERYTHING all at once" approach several times over the years. It would become sooo overwhelming and I would end up quitting everything. The turning point for me was when I decided to add one hour into my day (that was the first frame I altered in my movie). It became clear that I did not have enough hours in my day to focus on “wellness”. When I think about that now I didn’t think my wellness was a priority or important enough? 🫣😳  What was I thinking? I wasn’t – I couldn’t think clearly because I was on a merry-go-round and couldn’t get off. What happened when nothing else seemed to work? 

I literally ADDED an hour into my day. For me it was in the morning. I would get up before everyone else, before anyone could reach me or bombard me with any questions or to ask for help or a drive, etc. I committed to not letting any of the outside world into this hour that I built for my wellness. 

I broke it down to: 20-20-20 based on the 5AM Club book by Robin Sharma. 

I felt so exhausted the first few weeks I started this AND also super energized at the same time.  Eventually, I adjusted and lengthen that time to incorporate meditation (changed one more frame). Then, I changed another frame - got Luc on board. 🙂

TWO ways to change one frame of your movie

1- Pick one frame, it doesn’t matter which one. Pick one.

At the end of the day, you have to start small and get one thing going to then build on it. Change one thing in one frame of your movie and watch as it unfolds into an entire new movie. 

2 -  Start small and give it a chance.

When you change one frame of the movie, you need to stick with it long enough to see the impact it has and course correct as you go. It feels so much easier to correct one frame of a movie with few variables versus changing the entire movie all at once. 

I have changed many frames gradually over the years and my entire movie has brought me to teach and coach a group of female entrepreneurs at a retreat in Panama for a week answering the question I’ve been trying to figure out all my young adult like: “How do you do it all?". 🙃🤣😱  

ONE action you can take

Of course, I now understand that this will continue for the rest of my life and I have NO idea what the movie of my life looks like -  NOBODY knows that. (Sorry spoiler alert).  What did I leave these ladies to reflect on?  (A group of go-getters that want to go home and change everything for a big impact? - an approach I know well.) I invited them to pick ONE frame of their lives, only one, and alter that one slightly and commit to it. Ok, I also encouraged them one other thing… MAYBE make that change about one of the characters in their movie, the main character…. Take care of your main character, do what it takes to be the best character in your movie and ultimately, your movie will become that much more meaningful.