My mom the philosopher?

Growing-up, the last thing I would say is that my mom was philosophical in her thinking or speaking. She is the kind of mom that was dependable, did everything she thought she needed to do to provide us with all the opportunities she could for her daughters. (Skating, swimming, piano, tennis, track, marching band, choir (for my sisters NOT me 😂 - future post on that topic) festivals, weekly summer camps, you name it, we did it). As I grew-up, I always categorized my mom as a very dedicated great mom who cared about us, our upbringing and education. 

She had high standards and expectations of us which at the time I would have happily traded with my friends’ moms who appeared and seemed to be “cooler and much more lenient” on things like curfews, attending parties and school marks.  She was a very matter of fact kind of mom and what I would consider as black and white - in the sense that things were good or bad, right or wrong and you always strive to be good at anything you try, not just good, you should strive to be the best. 

As time goes on and I continue on the path of personal development and personal growth through books, courses and self reflection, I just now realize how amazingly ahead of her time my mom actually was with so many things that are taught now that seem to be so new and on the cutting edge. Some of these topics and personal growth ideas my mom has lived and taught us in her own way over the years and in her own words. Below are a few of my mom’s classic sayings that just NOW at 53 I’m realizing the significance of these sayings. 

• Build a bridge and get over it
• Why worry?
• Feel it one day - the next day - she would be over it. This too shall pass
• Everyone dies
• Forget about it and move on
• It’s just a phase _ it will pass
• By the time she/he goes to kindergarten, she will have stopped / started  this or that 
• Whenever someone is sad about outgrowing something or children growing up or getting older, she says: “The alternative isn’t that great” meaning if the person doesn’t grow older or outgrow things then what? What is the alternative? 
• Whenever she wasn’t sure what to make for dinner (to this day) one of the first things she does is start by setting the table. For some reason that used to help her get things moving
• It is what it is 
• You always have an option or a choice to make
• If it’s everyone else’s fault then maybe start to look at yourself… 

Looking back through the personal growth lens to all these sayings my mom lived by. I am baffled at all the golden nuggets she left along the way for us growing up when I had categorized her as being non-philosophical.  SORRY Mom!  

Quite the contrary, what makes my mom an amazing human being, mother, friend, sibling and grand-mother extraordinaire is how she lives her life using these principles.  She could have been a Life coach all this time. 😳😂

• Build a bridge - Move on:  My mom’s motto was always you have to keep going, keep moving, it didn’t matter what good or bad thing happened, I feel she always was in motion one way or another. Clearly she understood how movement and momentum carries us through to the other side. She could have copyrighted the saying “CARRY ON”. So much of what we learn and science based studies show time and time again, movement is one of the most powerful ways to move through difficulties.  That is how I became a yoga instructor. 
• Why worry? - Worrying about the future and the unknown does not serve you. My mom could have been a yogi. In yoga, the underlying main concept is to let go of what no longer serves you. 
• Feel it - the next day - she would be over it. What does it serve to dwell on things? Let go of what no longer serves you. There we go, my mom could have been a famous songwriter: “Let it go” and written a song for Disney for the movie Frozen.  
• This too shall pass - nothing is permanent. The one thing that is constant is change. Things come and go. Whenever I would bring something up and still do, she has a way to switch my mind to see it another way in a more detached way. Making me realize that is not the end of the World. Nothing really is truly the end of the World unless it really is and then what? Will I really notice or realize it if it is? 
• Everyone dies - I can’t think of any other way to state that - it is TRUE! How you live until then now THAT is your choice. She made it pretty clear from a very young age that everyone does die and that I could not control that. 
• Forget about it and move on - she had a gesture that my grand-mother also did when she felt it was not a situation worth making a fuss about. Like especially when my grand-father would rant about something, she would put her hand up by her head and turn her hand a gesture that just meant, I’m letting this go. It is not worth engaging. She would look at us and do that gesture and we would giggle. I thought she was making fun of him and that it was a little rude. In fact, her and my mom by doing that gesture were demonstrating that they were not letting their thoughts and responses be affected by what was being said. These were his thoughts, his reaction to a situation and they just let him vent without actually engaging. Genius!!! I wish I paid more attention to THIS lesson as a parent and wife. It would have saved me a lot of lost energy in reaction mode when it was not needed. Just listening and making that motion without the other person seeing, of course, could have been helpful. 
• It’s just a phase - good or bad. Life is all a series of phases. We should not get hooked on one or the other because they do all end. My mom had this saying when I had small children: “By the time she goes to kindergarten, she will have stopped / started  this or that.” Giving hope, that particular difficult phase will end. Some didn’t, of course BUT at that time she would say it, it felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and it got me through.  It allowed me space and time to learn how to cope with it. 
• Life goes on - it has to. Whenever someone is sad about outgrowing something or children growing up or getting older, she says: “The alternative isn’t that great” meaning if the person doesn’t grow older or outgrow things then what? What is the alternative? 
• Start with the end in mind. Whenever she wasn’t sure what to make for dinner (to this day) one of the first things she does is start by setting the table. For some reason that used to help her get things moving - Start with the end in mind. My mom could have written the book by Stephen Covey: “7 Habits of highly effective people”. 
• When it seems like it’s everybody else… maybe it’s you. When you find yourself blaming a previous situation, blaming others, blaming your neighbour, then your friend, then your partner and even the person crossing the road for your misfortune or miserableness, she would say: “When it seems like it’s everyone else’s problem or fault, MAYBE it’s time to look at yourself. What is your role in this situation? This has developed into our family’s favourite (thank you my Godson Aidan ❤️) It’s an ish-you not an ish-them.
• It is what it is  - Inhale the future - exhale the past. My mom WAS a Yogi. I just never saw it. 😊😂 In french, she says: “C’est comme ça.” 
• You always have a choice - that space between what you hear, feel or see and how you respond - THAT is our choice. The number of times she would tell me : “You always have a choice.” Especially in those heated emotional times when I thought a situation was nothing else but terrible with no happy ending and she would say: “You always have a choice”. It would get me sooooo mad. “There is no choice for me, my life sucks, this is terrible, what can I do?”. My wiser, more self-aware self now understands that what she meant was I DO have a choice of how I engage or not, respond or not and what I decide to do with the situation that is presented. I ALWAYS have a choice. Sometimes it is hard to see through it when we are emotionally de-regulated or our energy is low or we are just not at a good place.  

This March, my mom turns 80. She has never been one to let a number or her age get to her. A few weeks ago, she confided it that it felt like a BIG number. I could not help myself and reminded her of one of her sayings: "The alternative of NOT getting older does not seem much better." She smiled and nodded. 

One thing I've learned from my mom, is always looking ahead. Looking ahead at women who are older than her and noticing how they live their lives. She admires and is motivated by the ladies ahead of her that live a vibrant, energetic, positive life.  

My mom is a role model for many women that have the privilege of crossing her path. She is authentic, kind, generous, energetic, tenacious and "what you see is what you get". She has always been that way and that is what makes her who she is even at 80! 

This is my mom in her glory - when she is playing tennis and surrounded by her family, daughters and grand-children. 

Big shoes to fill and I am committed to continue to learn from her on how to rock her 70's and I am sure her 80's. 

HAPPY 80th Maman! xox