What I've learned (so far) as a mom of 26 years

This week marked 26 years of me being a mom. I will remember that day forever;  April 12, 1997. 

That first time I looked into Emilie’s face - bright eyed and already having that “look at me World'' I'm here. She also seemed ready to talk even at 1 minute old… I remember vividly the feeling that overcame me. I immediately thought: “I am never ever going to be able to go back to work and leave her.”  This was my clue that I would have to design the life I wanted to live taking into consideration this new addition into our lives. It would require some clever planning and soul searching on how to navigate all that. More on that in a future BLOG post. 

4 years later, almost to the day,  I remember sitting with a 4 year old Emilie crying (me not her) thinking how her world was going to be altered forever because I was about to give birth to another baby. It would no longer be only about her.

Now, she had to share everything (her space, our attention, her time) once this baby was going to arrive.  Even almost share her birthday - they are born 4 years and 1 day apart.

Olivia arrived with a bang (emergency C section - we both almost didn’t make it - no drama at all!?!?!) Once that was over, all we could see was her sweet smile, tiny little fingers and those gorgeous eyebrows she had from day 1. Of course Emilie’s life was altered forever. All of our lives were - now there were two to protect.

What I quickly learned was that YOU cannot protect them forever or from all the heartaches and truly we shouldn’t. Many years, scares, heartaches  and headaches (and grey hairs) have taught me one thing… Kids MUST and HAVE to learn from their own mistakes and decisions.  As parents, it feels so counterintuitive because we don’t want them to go through pain, difficulties or heartaches.  WHY? If we truly dig deep… because it hurts us and often, it’s us (the parents) who don’t want to go through that pain or see it happen to our kids. 

It brings up way too many hurts and opens up scars for us. We don’t think we can handle it, so what do we do? We try to avoid our kids from going through the pain, the challenges, the difficulties - to protect them 🧐- OR is it to protect our feelings and our heartaches? 

THAT is the hardest part of being a parent. Letting them make those choices and decisions so that they can learn and gain confidence by making their own choices even if they result in pain. To find those right choices, they need to explore what those are for them… Guess what? Spoiler ALERT - The right choices for them may or may not be what we think they are.  It’s up to them to figure it out. 

They need the reps (practice) to make choices and see what the end result is AND learn that even when it is NOT the best choice or decision, they can survive and still keep going. THIS is where I did not quite “click” until much later ... it’s not that they learn from their mistakes per say, it’s to learn that they can make decisions AND sometimes they won’t be the best decisions AND that they can work through that whole process so they are not afraid to make decisions in the future.  THAT is where the confidence comes from. Make decisions, live with the consequences and keep going…  Isn’t that what life is truly about when we are young right up until…  forever? 

Are there areas in your life that you are still too scared or afraid to explore or make a decision? Is that what you want for your children? 

If there is one thing I wish someone would have told me 26 years ago… It is that your job as a parent is not to protect them from everything, it's simply to be there by their side when they do need you; NOT all the time, EVERYWHERE for EVERYTHING.  It would have saved me a lot of heartaches and energy if I would have clued in sooner.  I’m pretty sure some people did try to tell me - probably my mom for one. I wouldn’t listen - I couldn’t listen -  I wasn’t ready to hear that. She too let me figure it out on my own 😊.  It never ends…  

If you are a young mom out there or if you know a young mom, share this with them. Hopefully,  it can be received with an open heart and comfort knowing there is no one way to be a parent. You do what you can with what you have with the experience you have at that time - see BLOG post on that “What I learned from my 24 year old daughter”.  

Parenting is a journey. It’s one I would not trade. It’s also one aspect of me and my identity, not its entirety.  Are you ready to uncover what else you want to do with your life? Book a free consultation call with me - we can chat about your next steps. Maybe you are ready to design your life and how you want to live it? 

I’m here to help, encourage and support you on your journey to design the life you want to live.